The Autistic's Guide to Self Discovery

Author: Sol Smith

There were some aspects of the author’s experiences that I could not relate to, which broke my immersion, but a lot of the coping mechanisms and information about brain wiring were enlightening for me and immediately applicable.

summary

The word “autistic” is not used with the purpose of labeling, but rather for finding the right toolkit to make life easier.

Autistic brains are wired differently than allistic brains. They have underdeveloped mirror neurons, and thus, have more synaptic connections to compensate. This means autistic brains are 42% noisier, and a lot of energy is expended on mentalizing experiences and feelings. Due to this phenomenon, rumination becomes a problem and contributes to declining mental health.

When someone who has autism ruminates, they are intellectualizing feelings from the amygdala in the pre-frontal cortex. But the more one thinks, the more the feelings are amplified, creating a snowball effect between the two parts of the brain. The key to breaking the cycle is mindfulness and journaling, which allow one to distance themselves from their thoughts.

Additionally, autistic brains process information bottom-up, with details and sensory input first, while allistics tend to thing from the top down. This can lead to communication issues.

Many other autistic traits can be explained by slight variations in brain wiring. Autism is genetically inherited, but its expression depends on the environment.

Masking is common in autistics because they worry about marginalization. This is modeled by how their peers are treated at a young age. Many people rehearse anticipated interactions and people-please. This can lead to anxiety, depression, and burnout. This can be prevented with mindful unmasking by embracing authenticity and finding community.

notes

understanding

I have spent my life obsessing about how I think and explaining my experiences to others, curious as to why so few of them seemed to want to do the same thing.

• Masking
  • Masking begins when we see how other kids treat people like us
  • Common experience of rehearsing anticipated interactions
  • People-pleasing
  • Can cause anxiety, depression, and burnout
• Labels
  • Naming the thing gives access to previously unknown toolkits
  • Not with the purpose of labeling, but for finding tools to make life easier
• Expression
  • Autism is inherited, but expression depends on the environment
• Thinking
  • Thinking consumes energy, same as physical movement
  • Autistic brains don’t perform synaptic pruning at the same rates
    • Autistic people have under-active mirror neurons, so more energy has to be expended to work through social situations
    • Big increase in the “mentalizing” network
  • Brains are 42% noisier
  • Autistics have more synaptic connections than allistics: 11–25%
  • Ruminate more than allistics
    • Higher rate of depression and self-harm
    • Feedback loop between amygdala and pre-frontal cortex, feeling and thinking snowballs
  • Top-down vs. bottom-up
    • Top-down: deductive, starts with conclusion and builds assumptions of facts based on umbrella concept
      • Heuristics
      • Linear
      • Think as little as possible to conserve energy
      • “I create the big picture first, and then fill in the detail as I go.”
    • Bottom-up: inductive, data and details first, sort later
      • “I collect information and detail I believe to be related, and then later sort it into a meaningful big picture.”
      • Associative thinking process
• Sensory issues
  • Most of brain’s energy is used to filter, rather than gather, information
    • Autistic brains’ filters are a bit off
• Stim behaviors
  • Stimulates mind
    • Movement
    • Talk
      • Echolalia: automatic repetition of vocalizations made by another person
      • Whistling
      • Tongue twisters
      • Wordplay
    • Activity
  • Regulatory mechanism
• Narrow interests
• Socialization differences
  • Hyperlexic
  • Spiky profiles
  • Restraint collapse
    • Zombie mode after dealing with people and holding in reactions that may crop up at the wrong times
• Communication challenges
  • Taking things literally
  • Over-explaining, taking disagreements “offstage” when allistics never leave the stage to begin with
• Desiring autonomy
  • Demand avoidance
• Autistic burnout
  • Signs
    • Restraint collapse
    • Extreme irritability
      • Sensory issues
    • Skill loss
• Meltdowns
  • Emotions are so much that they take up physical space in body and cannot be moved to thinking part of brain
  • Powerlessness
  • Thinking and feeling feedback lop
  • Can also be inward, shutdowns
• Rejection sensitivity
• Addictions as unhealthy coping mechanisms

coping

• Small talk is a low-pressure social game

Small talk is a kind of tennis match people play to see if they enjoy spending time with someone without the social pressures of testing their knowledge, intelligence, or wit. They just hit a little ball of conversation back and forth by making casual comments about easily observable things, such as the weather, the time of day, the day of the week, or the foot traffic of the establishment they’re in. Whatever one person adds to the conversation is known to the other … An allistic leaves a successful small talk encounter thinking, “My, what a peasant fellow. Perhaps, upon our next meeting, we can hit the ball around again.”

• Mindfulness, distance yourself from thoughts
• Use feet as guide for what is and isn’t possible
  • Worrying is just a waste of energy because regardless of whether it happens or not, we can deal with it in the moment
• Rumination
  • Short-term
    • Think really hard
      • Tetris
      • Candy Crush
    • Flood brain with endorphins by moving body
    • Get a dopamine fix
  • Long-term
    • Mindfulness
    • Journaling
  • Integration
    1. Ruminate
    2. Label: flatten into one umbrella concept or feeling
    3. Assess: stop considering issue as part of a bigger pattern, then affirm the need to discard this part of life—whatever it is, give it an emotion and an object
       • e.g. “I need to move on from the rejection I feel from my old friendship group”
    4. Reassign: use a “but” statement to create broad umbrella, thinking of one good thing that came out of it; being human and making mistakes doesn’t stop good things from happening
       • e.g. “I lost that job, but I found a better one” or “I lost that job, but had I been working there, I never would have found that puppy in the office parking lot last week”

highlights

Digging into the fabric of reality, making a web of connections between disciplines, and presenting analytical thoughts that make clear the relevance of all this to each individual is rewarding on what feels like a biological level. – p. 116